Haunted
by ghostgothgeek
Summary: In the aftermath of Danny's accident, Sam's guilt tears her apart. (rated T for language)


I always wanted to write something that showed Sam's point of view after the accident. She deserved more character development, and although I don't think I exactly did her justice, I'm hoping this at least helps eliminate some of the hatred towards her character. It's very rough, but I kinda want it to be. Standard disclaimers, I own nothing, etc.

* * *

I haven't slept in 9 days.

I still can't get it out of my brain. Every time I close my eyes, I'm there again. I can see it. I can hear it. I can _feel_ it. The giant flash of light. My best friend's terrifying screams. The smell of burning flesh.

I haven't eaten much in 9 days. And how could I? Every time I see Danny struggle, even a little bit, it feels like a huge punch in the gut again.

Danny had been suffering and it was all my fault. _Everything_ was my fault.

It's been 9 days since the accident. The accident that _I_ caused. The accident that almost killed my best friend. Or did kill...partially...we're still trying to figure that part out. I rubbed my tired eyes with the heels of my hands.

When Danny came out of that portal, I thought he was dead. Truly, completely dead. Seeing your best friend get electrocuted or…whatever that was...and then appear before you looking the way he did - snowy hair, glowing eyes, hovering off the floor and all - I thought he was fully dead. A ghost. He was still Danny, and yet he wasn't.

That day was the only day anyone had ever seen me cry. I was a coward. I remember hiding my face in Tucker's shoulder, sobbing. I had killed my best friend. I nagged him into going into the portal. It's completely my fault. You can't survive something like _that_. Danny was dead and it was all my fault.

Danny didn't even realize he had changed at first. My dumb clueless friend didn't notice that he was floating, that his hair had changed color, that his eyes were now a radioactive glowing green. Idiot.

_"__Well that hurt." Danny said stupidly, examining his hands to see that he was alright._

_Tucker and I stood there, eyes wide, jaws slack._

_"__What's with you guys? I'm fine, really! You should see your faces right now though, you look like you've seen a ghost or something." He laughed. He fucking laughed. Clueless idiot._

_"__Dude...you're like...I mean, do you see yourself right now?" Tucker stammered and hesitantly took a picture on his PDA, not entirely sure ghosts would show up in pictures. At least I knew that was vampires. My friends are morons._

_"__Woah, I...what?" Danny tried examining himself again before looking down and screaming at his ghost tail. "What is happening?!"_

_"__Oh god…" This was all my fault. "Oh god, I killed you!" Tears started streaming down my face again, enough to actually alarm Danny._

_"__Am I...a ghost?"_

_"__Fuck. Shit. Oh my fucking god I fucking killed you!" I continued letting out a colorful array of swear words for a fourteen year old girl. If my parents had heard me, they would be furious. I collapsed on my knees and put my face in my hands. The room was completely silent for a few moments. "Danny, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Oh my god. I'm sorry, I killed you. Fuck!"_

_"__Stop saying that. It's not your fault-" but it _was_ "-I went in there on my own free will." He sighed._

_"__But I told you to! I thought it would be cool. What was I thinking?! I wasn't thinking. I'm so stupid. Oh god." Could I stop saying that? Is that all I could say, even if I was in shock. I shook my head. Danny floated over to me and suddenly his legs appeared as he bent down to pick me up._

_"__Dude! At least you can fly!" Tucker had the nerve...Danny and I shot him a look. "Sorry! I mean this sucks, but that was cool!"_

_Danny ducked as I swatted Tucker's head from behind him. But when he ducked and covered his head with his hands, he turned...intangible?_

_Tucker let out a grunt when I hit him, but he was still impressed by Danny and his sudden invisibility, though we could see him perfectly fine now. "Can you go through walls too?"_

_"__Tucker! This is serious!" I yelled. What were we going to do? I looked over at Danny, but he was already jogging across the room, heading for a wall. Seriously, how did I ever get through my day with Tweedledee and Tweedledum over here?_

_Danny let out an "oomf" as he smacked into the wall. When he dropped to the floor, a glowing ring around his torso appeared, splitting into two and moving across his body in opposite directions. Suddenly, he was Danny again. The raven-haired, icy-eyed Danny. _Human_ Danny._

_"__What..." I started and pointed to the mirror on the wall when the boys turned their attention to me. I did what I thought was logical. I grabbed some sort of sharp object off one of the lab tables and walked over to Danny and stabbed him with it._

_"__OW! Sam!" He rubbed his arm but I pulled it away. Sure enough, blood started flowing out of the spot._

_"__What the hell? You're human again?" I examined his arm and Tucker walked over, an incredulous look on his face._

_Danny looked up at me. "What is going on?!"_

It took us a few hours and some moronic experimentation after the accident to discover Danny was both a ghost AND a human. Tucker immediately began researching on his PDA. I felt useless. That was what had bothered me the most. It was my fault and I couldn't do _anything_ to fix this.

That led me to where I am now.

It's been 9 days since I've slept. I felt responsible. I _am_ responsible.

I glanced back down at the miscellaneous papers scattered across my bed and took another sip of my tea. For the last 9 days, I've been doing the only thing I felt I could do: research.

I can handle this and make it right the only way I know how - by knowing things. Everything. Anything relating to ghosts, first aid, other supposedly mythical creatures, I will know everything about. I will know everything. I cannot and will not be caught off guard about something like this again.

I go to the Skulk and Lurk nearly every day and check out books on the supernatural. The search history on my computer is filled with articles about ghosts and YouTube videos on first aid, because getting injured was now part of Danny's day-to-day routine.

One day a small ghost attacked and Danny jumped into action, just 4 days after his accident. Danny got hurt, not badly, but it was still my fault. After all, he was a ghost because of me. He wouldn't have been fighting ghosts otherwise. Unlike his parents, Danny didn't particularly have an interest in ghosts. Now he was a ghost and was getting hurt by ghosts because of me. His arm had bled radioactive green, matching his bright eyes when he was in his ghost form. I just stood there like an idiot while he winced and grabbed his arm. Later that night I became certified in first aid and CPR training.

With my family's wealth, I was able to buy a bunch of (eco-friendly) first aid supplies under strict discretion and anonymity - not even my parents knew where I was spending my trust fund money. I always keep a small amount of supplies in my spider backpack, because I can't see him get hurt like that again. He was using his ghost powers that he got when I killed him and he got hurt trying to protect me.

Me, me, me. It always came down to me. My nagging, my stubbornness, my fault.

I hurt deep in my core. I could feel myself constantly unravelling. The guilt was eating me alive. But I couldn't let Danny or Tucker see me like this. I couldn't even hint that I wasn't strong enough to handle this. I was usually the cool, calm, and collected one. If I broke, they would surely break too. My breaking down at Danny's newfound deadness had caused him to freak out. Then he would feel guilty for scaring or upsetting me, which would make me feel worse because he had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. It was all me. No one else, and especially not him. I took another sip of my tea, as if each sip would somehow mend me inside and keep me together. As long as it could temporarily keep me together long enough to finish the task at hand...

It was easy to steal some of Danny's parents' books and blueprints for their weapons, which were the papers scattered across my bed. His parents are so busy they don't even notice they're missing things. Then again, I've been so stealthy that Danny and Tucker haven't even noticed I've been taking things and returning them days later. No, Mr. and Mrs. Fenton don't notice and are just ecstatic their portal suddenly decided to work. Plus, they already know everything about ghosts, so they wouldn't be missing much. I looked up their theses online and read them, and a lot of their theories actually appear to hold true. Their college papers have actually been very helpful in my research. Now, their weapons blueprints are helping as well. I am going to learn how to use them. I will learn to fight to take some of the burden off Danny, because the burden should be all on me. I'll do whatever it takes to make up for the fact that I half-killed my best friend.

In all honesty, I'm really proud of Danny. He's always been more on the quiet and shy side. He doesn't exactly ooze confidence, though I'm not entirely sure why he's so self-conscious. But being the son of professional ghost hunters and researchers, he quickly jumped into action when that ghost attacked. Despite his lack of interest in the subject, he knew exactly what to do. He says he feels like it's his duty to fight them off, especially now that he has powers. He's been getting better at controlling them in recent days. He actually can fly through walls now; he can go intangible and make objects intangible. Tucker and I are trying to help train him so he's less likely to get hurt or have his secret exposed.

Only the three of us know about his ghost powers. If the kids at school find out, people will think he's even more of a freak than they already do. If his parents find out...shit I don't know. They always talk about ripping ghosts apart to further examine them and their molecules. Danny thinks they'll do this to him too, but I don't agree. His parents are kind and loving, caring and sincere, supportive and accepting. Basically everything my parents aren't. Hell, Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are practically my second set of parents now. But Danny wants to keep his ghost half a secret, and so I will.

This whole "Danny getting ghost powers" thing has somehow made Danny, Tucker, and I even closer. I mean, we were tight before, but now there's this secret we must protect. A common thread. Danny told Tucker and me that we could bail if we wanted to, but we decided we would be a team. Tucker and I would stand by him and support him. We'll help however we can.

It's been an exhausting week…

We've learned a lot, but it will never be enough for me. I did this to him. It's my fault he doesn't get enough sleep anymore and he's having a harder time keeping up with homework. Ghosts are everywhere. I've been reading about ghosts and their obsessions, so I don't think the ghosts will ever just give up and go away.

Danny losing sleep and slacking in school because of his powers or because a ghost showed up wouldn't be a temporary thing. No, his life would forever be altered. At 14, Danny had been practically forced to grow up overnight. Kids shouldn't have to deal with these things. We were only supposed to worry about curfews and homework and how to hide the zits on our faces.

I shook my head and looked back down at the blueprints. Now that these were memorized, what could I do? I didn't deserve to sleep or feel content. I had crammed as much information about ghosts into my brain as I possibly could. My teachers should be impressed by how much I've learned in the past week. But this was different from studying for finals. This could very well now be a life or death situation.

I pushed everything off my bed and curled into a ball, burying my head between my legs and my torso. I took a shaky breath and tried to keep tears from falling again, but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. I would break down like this at least three times a night. Never in front of anyone though. No, this was my secret burden. I was the reason Danny went into the portal. I was the reason he had died and turned into a ghost...half-ghost.

God, why couldn't it have been me instead? Danny didn't want to go in, I did. He was right to be skeptical. Just because your garbage disposal isn't working doesn't mean you should stick your hand in it and try to get it to work yourself. Stupid. I'm so stupid.

I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could and tried to keep my body shudders to a minimum. I didn't care if no one could see me. My pride wouldn't let me show any sign of weakness, even in front of myself.

Get it together, Manson. You have to stay strong. You can't let emotions rule you. Just keep doing good deeds. Put positivity into the world.

But I could do a million good deeds and it would still never be enough to undo what I have done. I deserved to feel guilty, to lose sleep, to be destroying myself, because I destroyed my best friend. Tucker always reassures Danny that his powers are cool, which seems to make Danny feel a little bit better, but I just stand there and say nothing. I wasn't even being a good or supportive friend anymore. I couldn't slap on a reassuring smile and tell him everything was going to be alright, because I didn't know that. And he deserved much, much more than to be lied to.

I let the guilt consume me again. I was doing more damage to everyone than good. I couldn't even eliminate myself from the equation. No, that would just make things harder on Danny and Tucker. I can't keep letting them down. I can't show weakness. What was I supposed to do to make things right? Maybe his parents could design something to make him fully human again. He didn't want this. He didn't ask for this. It should have been me.

I jumped as a gentle tap on my window startled me from my thoughts and glanced at the clock. 4 am. I shut my eyes slowly. I've been moping in my own self misery for two hours now. How productive.

Another tap on the window, but slightly louder. I looked over and saw Danny floating outside my window.

Shit.

I quickly turned away and wiped the tears from my face frantically. He couldn't see me like this. I took a deep breath and plastered a small forced smile to my face as I faced him and opened my window.

"Danny? What are you doing here? You should be asleep." I watched him touch down on my carpet and transform back to his human self.

"So should you." He grinned.

I shook my head. "No, no. I'm fine. Everything is okay. Seriously, what are you doing here? Do you know how much my parents would flip if they knew I had a boy in my room in the middle of the night?" I laughed a little. It would actually be a funny sight to see.

"I was already awake and wanted to see how my best friend Sam was doing, since she hasn't been acting like her usual non-chipper self lately."

"Hilarious. I'm fine. Really. You should get some rest. I'm fine."

He signed and lifted my chin up to force me to look at him. I looked away. I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore and not see him dying over and over again. I could see there was some pain there still. I deserved that, not him. He always had the best heart. "Sam, I'm your best friend. I know you're not fine. I can tell you've been crying. What's wrong? Talk to me."

"I…" I didn't know what to say. He wasn't supposed to be comforting me. It was supposed to be the other way around. "I'm so sorry, Danny." I sighed in defeat.

"Sorry about what?" He rubbed my back reassuringly. It just made the knot in my stomach tighten more.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have forced you to go in there. I wish I could just take away your pain and inflict it on myself instead. It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault…" He sighed.

"It is!" I quickly shut my mouth. I can't wake my parents up. "It is. It is my fault. I'm so sorry, I'm going to find a way to make this right."

"Listen to me." He grabbed my face with both of his hands and looked me straight in the eyes, "it is _not_ your fault."

My eyes watered up again and I whispered, "it is."

"It's not. I probably would have gone in there eventually anyways. At least with the way things turned out, I had you and Tuck there to help me. God knows I would have just gone upstairs full ghost and freaked my family out."

I closed my eyes and felt him wipe away my tears with his thumbs. I felt way too vulnerable. I felt like I was pinned open to be dissected, all of my insides exposed for the world to see. I tried to pull away from his grip, but he wouldn't let me. He sighed again, "it's not your fault. You've been helping me so much. Tucker gets a little caught up with the coolness factor of things, but you keep me grounded. You're always there to keep me in line and make sure I'm not cheating the system by using my powers. When I'm a ghost, I don't completely feel like me. But then I look at you guys, and the way you scoff or elbow me for saying something stupid, I feel...human. Like I'm not losing myself. I can be both ghost and human, because you're there to help me. If anything is your fault, it's that you're keeping me feeling alive and normal." I looked at him as he smiled softly, but I felt completely heart broken.

"You're too good to me. I don't deserve that."

"What? Of course you do. We're going to figure this out, Sam. I'm getting used to this and I actually kind of like it. I'm starting to understand how good you feel when you're done trying to make the world a better place by recycling or whatever. I can do some good here, and it's because of you. We'll figure this out together. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up about this. I'm going to be stubborn like you taught me and not let you feel guilty about this."

"But i-"

"It's not your fault. I really think this is a good thing. I need you to keep me grounded like you always do, both literally and figuratively." He chuckled and pulled me into a tight hug. The Fentons had always been huggers. Me, not so much. He knew it could irritate me sometimes, and he and Tucker always tried to tease me by hugging me until I squirmed away. And any other time, I would squirm away, but this felt...good.

The tighter he squeezed the more I felt release. I let all my tears out and hugged him back. We could keep each other pulled together.

After a few minutes of holding me, he glanced at my floor and raised an eyebrow at the blue prints on the floor, picking one up. "Is this the Fenton Ghost Fisher?"

I laughed and pushed my hair out of my face. "Sure is."

"What are you doing with this?" He looked around my room and raised his eyebrows at the miscellaneous books and papers scattered across my room and taped to my walls. "Did my parents rub off on you? You spend too much time at my house."

"No, dummy. I'm learning how to use it. Every hero needs a sidekick." I smiled, feeling better that we could still act normal around each other.

He laughed, "like you could ever be a sidekick. You and Tucker are right alongside of me." He flipped through some of the papers on the floor as I sat crisscrossed next to him. "Wow, you've really been digging into this stuff." He actually sounded impressed.

"Well, yeah. It's the least I could do since I killed you and all." He was about to object until he saw me smiling, knowing I was making a joke out of it.

"Yeah, you always said you were going to some day. I never thought you'd actually follow through." We laughed as I laid back on my bed, him following suit.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while. I felt the most at peace as I have in 9 days. He finally broke the silence.

"Hey Sam? Thanks." He looked at me and smiled his goofy smile that would always pull at my heartstrings. "And try to take care of yourself. If I'm being honest, you're the one who looks half-dead here, not me."

I laughed. "It's part of the goth image! And you better not tell anyone I cried!"

"Of course. But really, take care of yourself. I need you here." He smiled and kissed my forehead tenderly. I blushed at the contact and snuggled into my pillow. "We're both okay, and we will work through this. That's what best friends are for." He started stroking my hair to reassure me.

It was such an intimate moment, one I would definitely push away from, but right now, I needed it. I could feel myself start to mend inside because I could feel that he really had no regrets about this. And he was right, we would always be there for each other.

I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.

* * *

Yeah, not my best work, but it needed to come out of me.


End file.
